Monday, May 07, 2007

Remembering Brian!

Our precious son Brian, died 3 years ago Saturday. It is very hard for me to write this blog, yet I want to.

I have a very difficult time honoring Memorial Day, visiting the graves, and hearing someone else says, "guess what today is?" They want to remember and talk about a birthday, or some other special day. I just can't handle most of it. It all traumatizes me!

Brain is my step-son. I raised him from the time he was 7. He died at age 21. He was a fun little boy! He was cute, curious, creative, and Very, Very Busy!

He loved holidays. Halloween, was a favorite. He made a scary man that sat at the front door, and turned our basement into a haunted house. He invited the neighborhood to a scary time and treats. He was always thinking and doing!

Our first Christmas was fun for the whole family. There was Mike, Me, Sherri, Amy, Lisa, Chris who was home from BYU and Brian.

Brian strung the trees outside with Christmas lights, but there was no outlet outside, so he strung the wire through our kitchen window (our kitchen was at the front of the house.)

The wire was strung across the kitchen and plugged into an outlet on the far wall. When I walked into the kitchen I nearly hung myself. I walked right into the wire. He made us laugh everyday.

He could also be very frustrating. When he got something in his head he wanted to do, no matter how unrealistic it was, you just couldn't talk him out of it. This was especially difficult when he was a teenager.

He wanted a new car every year, and just couldn't understand why we didn't get it for him. He got his first car when he was 17 and by the time he was 21 had had 6 cars!

His greatest love was working on his and all his friends cars. He became very proficient at installing stereos in cars and building and installing speaker boxes. He worked for several companies that dealt with these things, including "The Hi-Fi Shop," and one I can't remember the name of that built speaker boxes.

We always knew Brian was a little different. It wasn't until he was about 19 that I realized he was depressed! I got him into a doctor the first day he told me he wanted to die. Dr. Taylor was very helpful and got him on some medication.

He tried to commit suicide numerous times. We had so many doctors, therapists, hospital stays, and it goes on and on. I'm not going to go into the episodes he had. But, let it suffice to say, he was eventually diagnosed with a disorder called, Borderline Personality Disorder, and unfortunately,was successful in taking his life.

I'm in tears now, and need to quit for now. I love him so much, but thinking about him and talking about him is too painful.

I would like to end the blog with my testimony that I know where Brian is! I know he's been forgiven by the Father, and I know he's moving forward, and happy. I know someday we'll be reunited with him again. That day will be glorious!